anato(me)

1. i had to write this in pencil because my body handles the thought of you as a positive feedback mechanism. it takes the initial change and enhances it. stimulates neural, cardiovascular, and respiratory activity. the eraser is the negative feedback mechanism. it all needs to slow at one point.
2. these chemical messengers – you feel them too, right? days like today they are racing from tarsals to cephalic; goosebumps from the winds of the passers by. just when i thought i had a steady grip, another flies by and it’s onto the next. i can never fully grasp the idea of you. you feel it too, right?
3. this beating heart – i know you hear it, too. it is working so hard to keep us going. the pounding is the sound of serotonin release to create vascular spasms, the sound of healing wounds, the sound of continuation. this sound lives. this sound thrives. i know you hear it too.
4. these soul-filled lungs – you’ve got to have those, too! there’s more to them than just the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide. it’s the supply of oxygen brought to erythrocytes that allows you to just BE. to just EXIST. take advantage of those O2 molecules and just LOVE.

5. the world around us is mad. it is deathly ill. but the good news is, humans are designed to succeed. we are provided with systematic functions that make surviving a little bit easier. i promise i can show you a body that does the dirty work in between the war that is your head and your heart. if you’d just let me.

we have a visitor

“it hurts like hell when you know you need to let go, but you can’t because you’re still waiting for the impossible to happen.”

i don’t know if it was impossible.

but it happened.

again.

 

this situation creates a black hole of emotion where there are too many possibilities to feel.

do i want to?

do i just choose one?

 

i am scrambled. rattled. dumbfounded.

my mind is sending a dictionary –

in its entirety –

throughout my veins and my heart is saying,

“solve the puzzle.”

 

you cannot keep leaving and coming back.

these are two opposites that i know do not attract.

i know this because i am familiar with your endeavors.

maybe i have grown to recognize them when they come about.

 

but the walls of this heart cannot bear the deconstruction any more.

the passageways of these lungs cannot constrict any more.

the flow of this blood cannot pace itself any more.

 

this body is far too weak to carry the struggles of us any more.

se•par•a•tion 

the silence buzzes through the house as you look back on everything you could have done; every mistake you want to take back.

your heart pounds and breaks what silence remains. “I’ve never felt something like this before…”

too many extreme measures had been taken to such distant places that she found herself lost. you tried to catch up, but she escaped before you had the chance to understand how wrong you were. 

now the emptiness of your heart is in sync with the house, and your fist makes the glass match your mental state. 

thoughts on a recurring occasion 

alcohol slips into the mouth, down the throat, destroying the organs,

tearing him apart.

she finds herself when he’s away,

so free and so fulfilled –

it’s all an act in his presence.

the life that they have built on infertile soil, a foundation of imbalance –

they don’t really want this life…

and how easy it would be 

to simply stop.

apologize.

and remain sincere. 

Hey friends! My creative writing class has come to an end, but my writing has not. I plan to continue blogging, as I have had nothing but a positive experience from doing so. Thank you for all the feedback and encouragement so far, let’s keep it going 🙂

two opened hands

although I am privileged,

my mouth contains greed.

yet without a single word, 

the cravings take over.

how dare I ever say 

I want you.


days become purple and grey 

my heart aches in sync with my head

if you ever forget me, my love,

I pray that I may fade into the nothingness.

how dare I ever say

I need you.