“You move around a lot when you’re hot, did you know that?” he said as we sat in his car in some parking lot downtown.
This is my best friend. He’s known to take the unimportant and somehow make it important. This is how most things went between us.
I ignored his aimlessly asked question and continued singing along with the Maroon 5 song that had been playing in the background. It wasn’t an ignorance of irritation, but of bliss. Simply no answer was necessary.
But for the record, I didn’t know that.
We were both tired; him, from playing a show in Chicago. Me, working all weekend along with the exhaustion of feeling lonely. I was curious to know how the show went, but I didn’t ask much. I only took as much as he was willing to give – this is also something that always has been, and probably always will be.
He smelled of coffee and melancholy; by this, I knew something was up.
“I’m not sure I want to play music anymore,” he blatantly admitted.
My heart stopped. My chest tightened. He was unsure of nearly everything in life, but not music. This was his future; he was destined for exactly this. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything else – neither could he. I didn’t know that one confession could send my thoughts flying in chaos.
His frustration was building as he continued on. “I’m so sick of it. I play the same chords in every song, the only thing that changes is the lyrics.”
His lyrics weren’t the only thing changing, his heart was too. In the midst of it all, we were growing distant. Was there something I was missing? There was a space in our feelings, and I wanted nothing other than the idea of us to fill it.
I wished to find the words to say, anything but an apology; his flustered expression demanded a response. I needed to find the right words to say in this vulnerable moment – I couldn’t mess this up.
“I want you to go back to loving music unconditionally. Go back to the reasons you started putting effort in and make that your foundation to start new. I know how bad you want this, don’t separate from it now.”
And in that moment, it had never been more apparent how much I wanted to replace music.
I want you to go back to loving me unconditionally. Go back to the reasons you started putting effort in, make that your foundation and we can start new. I know how bad you want us, don’t separate from me now.
“It’ll all work out,” he eventually replied, sounding more comforted than before.
His heart was confused and my mind had caught on. What he wanted paralleled to what I wanted, even if he may have never admitted it. I mean, if this wasn’t true…
then why was I sitting in his car?
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